YATTA!
by smellslikechidna
Summary: Rated for Eggman's pants. How the Dark Side celebrated Sonic's apparent death in SA2. Flames encouraged. 8D (updated and fixed HTML errors)


Probably the worst, most pointless, OOC Sonic fanfic in existence. Oh yes.

Sonic, Shadow and all characters related, are property of Sonic Team. "YATTA!" is by Happa-tai (Leaf Team) and is pwnage. Set during SA2, Dark Side Story, just after Sonic buys it but before Rouge is collared by Shadow.

English translation of Yatta was googled. Yay! All song lyrics should be bolded. 8D

-

YATTA! 

-

Sonic the Hedgehog was dead. He was so dead, in fact, that Eggman thought that he could see a blue ear floating around in the capsule debris. Eggman was happy.

Shadow the Hedgehog was brooding. He was brooding on how Maria's spine had been shot out onto the ARK floor in front of him, and he felt a very vicious, very small grin creep up onto his face at the thought that he was close – so very close, to the complete annihilation of the human race. Shadow was happy. In his own, twisted little way, anyway.

Therefore, when Rouge dared to haul him up off of his window seat by the scruff of his neck, he was not so happy, and decided that snapping _her_ neck would fix that.

Rouge the Bat was not happy. The Echidna had her jewels, the Doctor had the country under threat, and her head was aching from the amount of noise on board ARK. So when she saw Shadow, brooding _again_, it angered her. In fact, Rouge was so angry, that she thought she could stand her headache getting worse, so long as it wiped the look from Shadow's face. So, armed with a CD a colleague had given her as a joke, she had hacked ARK's tannoy system, and loaded in the programme. Now, it was just a matter of numbers.

"Mou, Shadow, can't you do anything else?" she asked, fending off a strong hand as it closed in on her throat. "All you ever do is sit here miserable all the time, and I won't stand for it any longer." Seizing his wrist, she began to drag him towards the door.

"Let go of me."

"No."

"Let go of me or I'll break your arm."

"Are you going to walk like a good boy?"

Shadow yanked his arm away, glaring still. "Walk where?" he asked, distrustfully. He did not like the bat-girl. The way she hung from ceilings confused him in the mornings when he tried to work out how she didn't have two black eyes. Physics was a strange, confusing thing.

-

Eggman was no longer in the main Research lab, instead, had disco-danced his way past where Tails was licking his wounds and Amy was helping amid snotty noses and tears. Really, today must be the best day of his life, he thought.

Eventually, Eggman came to a rather deserted room, a well-lit one, with plenty of space. He supposed that this had been ARK's mess hall at one point or another, but he didn't care. The point was, now he could do the celebratory dance he had been planning since the first time Sonic the Hedgehog pounded one of his Badniks.

He didn't get the chance. A highly unpleasant Shadow the Hedgehog followed him in not moments later, followed by a somewhat more cheerful Rouge the Bat, who was flying, before dropping to the ground and hitting some buttons on a nearby console.

The clinical, bright while lights flared once, and then were gone, replaced by multi-coloured spotlights that reflected on ARK's polished metal walls. "Alright, guys," she said, one hand on her hip, the other on the console. "Line up."

Eggman did as he was told. Shadow did not. "Why?"

"What do you mean, 'Why?'!"

"I mean, why do we have to line up?"

"Because I said so."

"That's a pathetic reasoning."

"Well, it's the only one you're going to get, now line up, so I can _tell_ you why." Grumbling, Shadow took the three steps backwards and four steps to the right that brought him in line with the Doctor. Rouge smirked, and hit the 'Play' key on the console.

The tannoy blared, and around ARK, the speakers rang out in joy.

**G! R! Double-E! N! Leaves! **

"What the?" Shadow asked, looking around him before looking up, and realising that seeing Eggman with starry eyes and a huge baby-smile on his face was quite possibly the most terrifying thing he'd ever heard in his life.

**G! R! DOUBLE-E! N! LEAVES!**

"It's Yatta. It's YATTA! Yoshi!" Eggman cried, and then squealed as best a man in his mid-fifties could, and he bounced on the spot, his moustache waggling like two suffocating ferrets fighting for escape from his nostrils.

**It's so easy!**

**Happy go lucky!**

"Now dance," Rouge ordered, and much to Shadow's horror, Eggman danced. His arms were spread wide, and he wiggled his hips in time to the beat of the music.

**We are the world!**

**We did it!**

Now Rouge had joined in, marching on the spot, and Shadow realised that he was looking forward to his impending death more than he realised. "Shadow, dance. I'm sick of you moping."

"I _like_ moping. I also like my dignity."

"Then sing."

"I don't know the words," he replied, completely deadpan.

Rouge shoved a piece of A4 paper into his gloved hands. "You have a photographic memory. Use it."

Shadow did, and realised that he had yet another, perfectly good, reason to continue in his plot of world destruction.

**Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! **

**Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!**

And there was another one, Eggman's high-pitched whoo-ing enough to make him wince, never mind Rouge.

**"Yatta! Yatta!"** the Dark Side sang together, Shadow deliberately deadpan and out of tune, Eggman far too enthusiastic, and Rouge backed them up with the harmonic, although it sounded as though there was more than just one Rouge the Bat singing. 

**Yatta! Yatta!**

The speakers blared, and Tails looked up from where he and Amy were a messy, tearful heap in the Research Lab. "That's just rubbing it in."

**We're doin' great in college!**

**Made president at our jobs!**

Rouge and Eggman danced hardcore, the scientist's belly wobbling erratically along with the bat-girl's chest, and Shadow became horribly, horribly aware of the next line.

**Long as we've one leaf on, we're doin' fine!**

Eggman tore at the Velcro strips that held his clothes to him until the whole thing collapsed into a black, red and yellow pile at Rouge's feet. The mad scientist grinned, posing, clad only in a pair of white (greying) boxers with a large plastic leaf glued to the crotch. Shadow looked horrified. Rouge looked nauseated.

"**Hey, we're lucky just 'cause we're alive!**" Maria's ghost chimed in, the moving spotlights revealing an ethereally glowing image of herself harmonizing and choreographing with Rouge. Shadow looked as though something very large had gotten lodged in his throat, and Maria paused for a moment, looking at her transparency, and then at Eggman's crotch. "Well, I'll be."

Shadow felt his jaw drop in repulsed horror.

**Yatta! Yatta! Yatta! Yatta! **

Rouge, Eggman and Maria sang, while Shadow counted, first, the date, and secondly, how old he was. "This cannot be happening," he decided; perhaps it was all just a hallucination from being in space for so long.

**We've been confirmed for the prize!**

**We're representing Japan!**

**We're so healthy, it just** **makes ya sick!**

**Everybody say "Yatta!"**

"Yatta!" yelled out Knuckles, exultant in the fact that he had recovered the Master Emerald, and continued polishing it.

-

Tails and Amy looked at the speaker, before Tails stood up, limping, one of his tails bandaged with the white binding from Amy's dress, and salvaged the Vulcan Cannon from the wreckage of the Cyclone.

"Bite me."

_ZAP_

The speaker fell mercifully silent.

"Yatta," said Amy, wryly.

-

"Yatta!" said Eggman, exultant in Sonic's death.

-

"Yatta!" said Rouge, kicking Eggman's perspiration-soaked clothes to the other side of the room.

-

"…" said Shadow, because he was brooding and wondering exactly how much time it would take him to Chaos Control to Earth, gut six Japanese men, and get back in time to watch his plan unfold.

**Japan's got crises. **

**BUT!**

**Tomorrow is wonderful.**

**Even if somebody's mean to us, **

**we just go to bed and,**

**Guu! Guu! Guu! Guu! **

**Pass! Pass! Pass! Pass! **

Omochao, nursing his many dents from where Knuckles/Sonic/Tails/Shadow/Rouge/Eggman had kicked/punched/thrown/shot at him, boogied on down, because he was a nice, friendly robot Chao, and therefore, he didn't really mind being booted around so long as he got to help people.

In the dark bowels of the ARK, something stirred as the pounding music continued to blare.

"**OHAYOU!**" Biolizard roared, determined to kick ass.

And the madness continued on.

**Yatta! Yatta! Yatta! Yatta!**

**We got nine hours of sleep!**

**Woke up and jumped out of bed.**

**What kind of great things might await us now? **

Indeed, Eggman thought, now that Hedgehog was out of the way, there was nobody to stop him taking over the world. Station Square would fall under his might, Twinkle Park would become Eggmanland… really, this was too good to be true. Clad in only boxer shorts, the obese scientist jiggled in formation.

**Hey, we're lucky just 'cause we're alive!**

"Maria," Shadow asked tiredly, waving his hands in the air because now Rouge had a stick, and he wasn't even in the mood for killing things now, "stop singing that line."

Maria paused, and then agreed, shifting in her position to stand next to the short hedgehog, lifting her leg to match his.

The beat went on.

"Dance more, Shadow!"

"…"

And the more he looked at Maria, the more the family resemblance between her and Eggman was apparent. It horrified him. His sweet, innocent Maria, related to someone as incompetent as that.

**Yatta! Yatta! Yatta! Yatta! **

**If there's a change in you,**

**Then the whole world will change too.**

Shadow had finally dropped out of the line, preferring, instead, to watch Eggman, Rouge and Maria (who could not possibly have been Maria) make fools of themselves. This was not his idea of celebration. His idea of celebration was a long fatal sleep.

"Shadow, dance." Rouge was glaring.

"Make him put his clothes back on. That's repulsive," Shadow shot back, folding his arms, his hands itching for an Emerald. Just one, _one_ Chaos Spear. Just a tiny one.

Rouge sighed, though she had to admit that the hypnotic jiggling was starting to give her a headache, particularly whenever the pink spotlight hit it. "Doctor, put your clothes back on."

"No."

Shadow was forced to dance regardless.

**Getting through it unhurt's the best of all. **

**Just stand up straight because **

**It feels great!**

In the Dark Chao garden, as though connected to their masters, the Chao danced, whoo-ing, except, because they were Chao, and therefore, effectively reduced to speaking like Pokémon, it became "Chao! Chao! Chao! Chao!" before they decided to invade the Hero garden and beat ten bells out of the pussy blue Chao.

**I drink water that's tasty! **

"**Yatta!**"And as Eggman leapt for joy, the leaf began to look rather precarious.

"**I get in the sun and feel toasty!**" Knuckles cried, unashamed in his solitude, his voice ringing around the small chamber of ARK where he stood. The Master Emerald shimmered with the image of a large leaf in one of its many facets.

"**Yatta!**"sang Tikal and Chaos.

**Havin' a belly laugh's fun! **

Eggman laughed, as if on cue.

"**Yatta! Yatta!**"sang Omochao.

"**Try keeping dogs—they're _cute_!**"Maria sang, wistfully, she had never been allowed a pet.Eggman squealed, joyously, thinking of just how cute a dog-powered Buzzbomber looked.

"Doctor, have you even _met_ a dog?" asked Rouge, for once, not entirely on the ball. "They're not cute, they're coarse and vulgar. And don't start me on the Dingoes, I mean, really, if anything is worse than that Echidna..."

Shadow looked quite irritated. "**Yatta!**"he yelled, and was relieved when Rouge stopped criticizing for just one minute, and then regretted it when both she and the virtually naked scientist both turned to look at him.

"**It's so easy!**" they sang, but for different reasons; Rouge because getting Shadow to be sociable had only needed a threat. Knuckles, because getting his Emerald back was merely a matter of smacking someone around and then being insulted. Biolizard, because he was the Ultimate Lifeform, and therefore, everything was easy to him. Shadow, because with each line, he realised just how justified his revenge was, and Eggman had misheard "easy" for "breezy".

**Happy-go-lucky!**

**We are the world! **

**We did it!**

**Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! **

**Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!**

"It's not even sanitary," Shadow went on, watching and wondering just what it was about humans that meant that Eggman could have so much hair under his arms, but not on his head. "Make him get dressed."

"Shadow, the more you complain about his underwear, the more likely he is to take it off," Rouge replied, logically, sadistically.

Eggman realised that, really, even though he couldn't trust the bat as far as he could throw her (which, in his current state of fitness, and the fact that her boots were made of metal, wasn't far), she really was rather sharp.

**As we brushed past each other, **

**You favored me with a smile.**

**It's okay if we never meet again. **

**I'm lucky you were here just for a while!**

Shadow paused as the verse finished. "What a load of crap," he said angrily, storming off to a non-spotlit corner of the room, and continued plotting the final parts of his plan.

**We've got recession these days,**

**In government, we've no faith.**

Rouge smirked slyly to herself behind Eggman's expansive back.

Deep in ARK's bowels, Biolizard harmonized, partly out of lack of things to do, partly because he had quite a nice voice when it wasn't being used to scream and roar at enemies. "Yattaaaaaaaaaaa, yattaaaaaaaaaa," he sang, his long neck swaying in time with the melody.

**Could we hit "reset," that'd be number one! **

**And since we're all here, it's just so much fun!**

Rouge grinned at where Shadow was sulking. "See, isn't this fun?" she purred.

"Go away or I'll break your legs."

Rouge sighed. Really, if she wasn't so wonderful, perfect, merciful at everything, she'd have binned Shadow off ages ago. "Stop being such a spoilsport – you've almost won!" she reasoned, "It's not as if that hedgehog can _stop_ you now, is it? Considering he's now cosmic dust."

And then, reasoning hit Shadow like a 2x4 to the face. "Yes… yes, that's right…" he mused, "he can't… _nobody_ can stop me now." It was like an epiphany had dawned on the hedgehog, an epiphany of death, doom and destruction.

Rouge smirked, and handed him his own pair of boxers, with a special hole cut in the back for his tail.

"**Yatta! Yatta! Yatta! Yatta!**" sang the Dark Side, and really, when they all sang together, it sounded pretty good, Shadow tackling the lower notes with ease, Rouge a faultless alto, and Eggman managing to usurp them all by hitting notes he hadn't struck since he was fourteen. Shadow, Rouge had to admit, suited a pair of white, leaf-clad boxers, and she made up her mind to buy him some more with the profit she'd get from selling off the Chaos Emeralds.

**In university class,**

**We've got a movie star!**

It was Rouge's turn to pose, she was, after all, the beauty of the Dark Side (not to mention the brains, although it didn't take much outwitting a dirty Echidna).

**Long as we've one leaf on, we're doin' fine! **

The emphasis on the leaf-covered pants was finally too much, as Shadow and Eggman hopped from one foot to the other in time with the music. It was Rouge's turn to weep, even with her extensive training as GUN's number one spy, something like that would give her nightmares for the rest of her life. Hurrying before her make-up spoilt, she took to the air and left, heading in the direction of her precious, precious jewels.

**We're all together, it's a happy time!**

The Master Emerald sufficiently polished, Knuckles gave into his inner urges, and hugged it.

**Long as we still can breathe in...**

**Long as we still can breathe out...**

**We're so healthy, it just makes ya sick!**

Pieces of the capsule floated past the window. Eggman cackled. Shadow smirked.

**Everybody say "YATTA!"**

And everybody did. Except Tails and Amy.

**G! R! Double-E! N! Leaves!**

**G! R! DOUBLE-E! N! LEAVES!**

Sonic the Hedgehog blasted into ARK in a flash of blazing light, and collapsed to the floor in front of a surprised Knuckles, gasping for breath.

"Well," the Guardian said slowly, "_you_ certainly missed a party."

**Bai-Q!**

-

I am so, so sorry. XD Please flame me. I deserve it. I also deserve being beaten with sticks. Pointy ones.

Also, I warned about the OOCness. I can't write Eggman worth crap. Or Rouge. Or Shadow. I like to think Biolizard was in character, though. XD

I have no idea why the hell Maria was in there, though… o.O


End file.
